finally got my hands on a copy of the sheet music for "butterflies and hurricanes" (see "my tunes" on the right side of the page). it's hard enough without trying to play by ear and/or learning by watching people play it on youtube. i've never been a great sight reader -- i usually just try to memorize it from the pages and go from there, but getting the music has made the learning process so much simpler and faster. it's a good arrangement, too, so i played with that for a bit tonight. starting to sound almost like a song.
i've had a lot of time on my hands recently. got back from kansas city the weekend after christmas and went into work to see what my schedule was. she didn't schedule me at all last week, and nothing again this week. college towns pretty much die during breaks. kinda sucks, especially after i spent all my money on christmas. heh. so i've been being a bum, reading a lot, watching a lot of movies, playing piano, waiting for my rennet tablets to come so i can make cheese, etc. with the house empty it's been pretty trying, and the emotional roller coasters have been at it again. i've suspected for a long while (and my closest friends have, too) that i'm a little bipolar. i've handled it well enough, some times better than others, and over the few years i've been able to manage it with some natural therapies that were recommended by others who've been there. stopped taking those early last spring, but it might be time again. my swings over the last week have been some of the worst i can remember. just the swings, mind you, not necessarily the extremity of them, but nonetheless it's probably good that there isn't anyone around to witness it. my head has been spinning with all the back and forth, i've not been sleeping... eh. no good. and from the lack of sleep i've developed this really annoying eyelid twitch. ack. stimulating the creativity helps, though, with the movies and books and such. helps the mood, not the twitch. don't laugh, but i've also been doing a free-hand cross-stitch while watching the movies. i sound like a grandma. it's a cool design, though, the mu logo of the big "M" with a tiger head in the middle, and i've been working on it on and off (mostly off) for the past two years. it's huge for a cross-stitch, 14-inches square, or somewhere in the vicinity of 127,000 stitches. ok, i'll stop talking about my girlie habits. piss. spit. beer. football. that oughta do it.
i have wrinkles on my fingers. 
watched "reprise" this afternoon after giving plasma. well, sorta giving plasma. the machine malfunctioned during the first cycle and the red blood cell reservoir overfilled (no overflow, thank goodness), so they had to take me off. still got paid the full amount, which was nice, and i got all my rbcs back. anyway: movie. made in norway, about two writer friends and the insanity that often plagues writers. oscar candidate as best foreign film in 2006. i really liked it, but it's one of those that my friends probably wouldn't (really sucks being the only person i know -- in person, at least -- who's anything like me). really made me want to write, though. but i feel like the character in the film who is back from the mental institution and isn't able to write anymore. and i know it's just a movie, but it kinda stung that these guys were twenty-three and getting their first and second novels published. the book i finished this weekend, pillars of the earth (freaking awesome and highly recommended), also has characters that were successful at young ages. i still want to be a writer. i still want to be lots of things. i know i'm nowhere near old yet, but every week that passes spent working at dead end jobs or silently going mad in my room makes it feel less possible. ok, ok, rowling was 32, but it also took her six or seven years to write the first, which means she was close to my age when she started. heh...that's a strange thought. but i definitely have no great ideas in mind.
damn eye won't stop twitching.
after midnight now. i should probably try to sleep, but i have a feeling i won't. last few nights i've been sleeping on my futon in my living room. no real reason. i do that sometimes when i'm going crazy, but this is a step up because i usually end up on the floor. it's been kinda nice, though, because i've recently been having these dreams that i was in another life. *sigh* then i wake up. to sleep, perchance to dream... hmm. ok, i'm off, but before i go, apparently david holds the copyright on using lyrics at the ends of posts (i'm still claiming the titles), so i have to attribute the use of the following to him, but the lyrics themselves are, of course, from the rock gods of muse.
"change everything you are and everything you were -- your number has been called. fights and battles have begun, revenge will surely come; your hard times are ahead."