step out into the day...

       this is definitely taking some getting used to. i've always liked it best when change comes slowly, letting you take small steps in adjustment and allowing everything to sink in like a slow drip rather than having the plug pulled all at once and being sucked down in a whirlpool. so now that the proverbial plug has been pulled, i find myself looking up from this new and foreign place wondering "now what?" it's so weird that so much has changed. i think that's what's hardest to grasp. i knew it was going to be different, of course, but i don't think i was quite ready for an entirely new life, almost forced to reinvent myself and find out who i am and who my friends are all over again. it's been one month since i've been here, though i shouldn't really count the first week where i was still rushing around with that class and didn't have time to sit down and see where i was, but now that i have some perspective of my surroundings i'm feeling kind of lost. yeah, i'm sure it will all be okay. but i miss the stability of proven friendships. i miss being able to run downstairs to talk to someone. it's a little strange when you don't have loved ones around. i mean, there's a lot that i could be doing, but none of it means the same anymore and it's a little difficult to find the new definitions. i definitely need one of those "life for dummies" books.

       i have an interview tomorrow. i don't remember if i told you already, but the candy factory thing didn't work out. when i went in, they said that they were looking for someone who was going to be more career oriented, instead of someone who was just transitioning. i was pretty bummed, but i understood. but then this last sunday i was over at a friend's house making and teaching them how to make some chocolates, and the whole time i found myself thinking, "i could totally do this." i mean, i really love it. and candy making isn't terribly fast-paced and stressful like a kitchen would be, which was something else i was considering. so while i am definitely in a sort of transition, i figured that there was a possibility it might not hurt so much if i just stepped out into the sun and let my eyes adjust instead of waiting inside for something i wasn't sure that i wanted. so last night i e-mailed the candy factory again. got an e-mail back this morning saying that if i was serious about it to give him a call. so i called. interview's at 10:30 tomorrow morning. i'm so excited, but i'm also pretty nervous. pray for me, please.

       anyway, i have some errands to run, so i'd better get going. hope all is well. later.