accio chocolate...

       i'm super-tired and it's really late, but i'm feeling all contemplative and crap so i figured i'd get a post in. such a busy week. such a good week, too, but today just kinda knocked me down for no apparent reason so i'm here at one in the morning trying to figure things out on xanga. it is a little easier to sort things out in writing. it may not solve anything, but at least it's all organized in nice little piles that you can look through whenever you need to. a sort of penseive in that way. yes, i'm a nerd. and if you know what a pensieve is you can't laugh because you're one too.

       had the interview on wednesday. i think it went well. i hope. i'm supposed to hear back by wednesday whether i will be invited back for a second interview. not a clue what to expect there. i guess it would be with the rest of the family (family owned business). i'm still nervous about it all, though. never really came down from that after wednesday. i was all wound up after. val (she's the l-house director--my boss, essentially) talked to me afterwards to see how it went and i was so jittery that she had to actually tell me to calm down. i was nervous during the interview, but not horribly so. i had responses to most of the questions and i bumbled through the others with at least some grace. it was pretty laid-back and the guy was awesome. he even told me that it went well and he seemed somewhat excited to potentially have another guy there. i'll probably pee my pants at the next interview, though. i'd really like the job. i think. see, then i get nervous about "what if i don't like it?" and all that. pfft. breathe in. breathe out. i just know that i don't want to go back to hy-vee.

       thursday i woke up early and gave plasma so that i could afford to drive home for a dentist appointment (still ne'er a cavity), then to see a gordon lightfoot concert. went with sam, a friend from kansas that i met through brandon. then he brought his sister, synthia, whom i'd only met online. it was a little strange to meet her in person, but i think she was just how i expected/pictured her to be--awesome. perhaps a little more sarcastic. a little funnier. and quieter. but then i'm always quiet around new people, too. met four other great guys there. i really had an awesome time and the concert was really good. he's an awesome songwriter, but he's also quite the entertainer. definitely have a new appreciation for him. i think i even liked him better live, which you can't often say.

       friday i spent the morning and the early afternoon with jett, my wonderful cat. also raided the parent's garden and got quite a few blueberries, a couple grape tomatoes, some lettuce, and some fresh green beans. i love fresh green beans. drove back friday afternoon/evening and spent a quiet night reading and unwinding. this morning (saturday) i woke up early and went with b.j. to help move a family in our church. it was rainy and such, but i'm very glad that it wasn't hot, though i was just as wet. definitely feeling my lack of time at the gym, too. couldn't grip anything to save my life, but i didn't drop anything, thank goodness. i actually had a good time and it was good exercise. i really wish you guys could meet b.j. seriously, no time spent with him is wasted. coolest guy ever.

       then i gave plasma this afternoon and it all kinda spiraled from there. i've had suspicions for a while that it affects my mood. oh well. for now it also affects whether i eat ramen or something good. but once i get a job i'm definitely going to stop entirely or at least cut down by a lot. i think the exertion this morning exacerbated the usual weakness that comes along with a donation, so i've been kinda down all evening. so i started cooking. haha. made a french silk pie for poluck tomorrow then baked some cookies for friends that came tonight--aaron and melissa. aaron and i were buds back in high school, which is weird how long ago that was. i've known him for almost ten years now. i can't express enough how much i hate the whole "growing up" thing. whoever came up with the idea of moving on with life and leaving the old things behind ought to be castrated and shot. anyway, i think tomorrow i'm going to be baking half the day. i've been making my own bread. cheaper and potentially healthier. i'm trying to work out a recipe where i can do as much whole wheat as possible without the loaf falling apart. may need some help from you crowthers. by the way, i've only just gotten the paint off my car with these last few days of rain.

       well, this isn't really going anywhere so i'd better go to bed. i hate missing people. can't stand it, actually. especially when i don't want to miss them. sometimes i just wish i could cut all ties and be free of them completely. but then i don't want to. some people just become a part of you. and no matter how much you don't want to think about them, you still love them. ah, but i'm starting to give up on that, too.