today was spent in chaos.  i keep trying to tell myself that it's all in my head.  so i unpacked my discman, popped in my "bach for book lovers" cd, and went outside and lazed on the hammock with a good book.  it was a gorgeous day.  a breezy 70 degrees and those little white puffy clouds.  that sort of did the trick.  then my cat came over and swang with me (swang?  that's not a word.  it's swung.  what the hell kind of english major am i?  aw, who cares.  i hate grammar.  no, not really.  hmmm...chaos remains).  i need a vacation.  let's see...oh, i'm supposed to be on one! 

     my parents are throwing around ideas of going to california this summer, l.a. in particular.  i've never been and really want to go.  my parents are also hosting an exchange student who would go with us.  he seems to be a great guy, but that would be a little odd, i think.  he's extremely quiet and not very...er...hygienic.  another vacation with my family??  we haven't done that since i graduated from high school.  no one screams "tourists!" louder than my family.  i can imagine my father now in his jean shorts, red and white striped polo, and clip-on sunglasses.  my mother would be close behind wearing pink old lady shorts and a white frilly t-shirt or perhaps some pink overalls (also shorts) completed with pony tail, fanny pack, and clip-on sunglasses.  now picture my extremely white self (look at your socks for a good idea...better yet, think of the movie "powder") on the beach in orange county.  we would be the only people there without six-packs.  okay...at least the rest of my family. (hey, it might happen!)  my reflection on the water would probably blind everyone there...which, i suppose, wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing.  then, of course, it really wouldn't be a vacation, but it would be a trip because we would be dragged around to every possible tourist place in the entire state of california.  something tells me that all of this spells disaster.  will it be averted?  possibly.  will i ever get to see the pacific ocean?  maybe someday when i'm fifty and dressed up in my jean shorts, red and white striped polo, and clip-on sunglasses (please, oh please, don't let that happen to me!). 

     hi all...just a quickee.  update: i'm being a lazy bum.   i slept soo late this morning.  now i can't sleep.  this weekend is going to be filled with writing, though, i assure you.  then in my spare time i'm going to go o.d. on philip glass.  he has two out right now: "secret window" and "taking lives."  movie music is too often taken for granted.  i'll often go see a movie again and again just for the music.  especially if it's philip glass.  he's just...the best!  i'm a nerd like that.  then again, i may see "taking lives" for another reason: *cough angelina cough*

i heard a great joke the other day:

knock knock:
who's there?
philip glass.  knock knock.
who's there?
philip glass.  knock knock.
who's there?
philip glass.  knock knock.

     anyway, you get the picture.  i guess it's not that funny to someone who's not a fan, but if you've ever heard his stuff or know anything about his music...he is famous for a somewhat minimalist approach.  he takes the music and molds it and changes it through continuous repetition.  the effect is very soothing, evocative, and can even be extremely creepy at times.  have you ever seen "candyman" or "dracula" (the original was made ultra creepy with philip's music)?  he also did "the hours."  yeah.  anyway.  enough hero worship.  btw, i'm currently learning the theme from "the hours" on piano and a piece from "the truman show" on violin. 

     oh, and i've taken on another instrument, bringing the first dash to the tally: #5.  chad is teaching me how to play the drums.   he is an absolutely incredible drummer.  he's been in world competitions with his drum line and was invited to be in the drum corps(?).  so, yeah, i'm learning from the best.  (we're currently looking for practice pads so i don't drive everyone in the house insane!!!)

     well, this wasn't as short as i had planned...  ah, well.  anyway, go download (legally of course *looks around and winks*) some philip glass and you'll see what i mean.  the theme from "the hours" along with his violin concerto (particularly the second movement) would be my recommendations.  enjoy! 

     thanks to samuraipoet for showing me the script from createblog.com for the music notes!

     today got off to a late start, but it was sooo nice!  i slept in 'til around 10.  i can't remember the last time i did that!  then i had yet another "last bowl of the marshmallow cereal experience."  wonderful.  i'm beginning to think that i eat too much cereal, seeing how the last time was not even a week ago.  hmmm...i guess this particular cereal does come in a small box.

     now they're calling for more snow tonight.  snow!?!  i mean, come on!  i do remember snow in june, but that was michigan...this is missouri.  totally not cool.

     my car door is still stuck.  it's becoming increasingly difficult to look cool when climbing in through the passenger side of the car and up over the center console while impaling myself on the emergency brake.  i don't know if i told you about this before, but a couple years ago we had a hard freeze and my car door and locks froze shut.  being the stupid male that i am, instead of buying de-icer i figured i could force it open.  not a good idea.  it worked, but i forced it a little too hard and broke the lock.  i'd like to say that i then took it to a repair shop to get it fixed, but no.  once again the "i do it myself!" attitude kicked in and i attempted to fix it.  i took the entire door apart, fiddled around a little, then put it back together in the best way that i could remember (and in the best way that i could make the various mystery parts fit together).  now it's fickle and sometimes works, mostly doesn't, but long story short i still have to get in the passenger door most of the time.  now it's just annoying and driving me crazy.  i suppose i could still take it to a repair shop...but why waste money when i can do it just as easily on my own?!?

my interesting weekend:

     there was an accident on our little street corner and part of the stone "university of missouri" sign was broken, but it hadn't completely crumbled away.  the letter "u" had been knocked off, though, so we decided to replace it...with bubble gum.  no, we didn't "glue" the letter back on using the sticky stuff.  we actually made a big "u" out of several packs of abc gum and stuck it on.  it was great fun, but now my jaw hurts and we felt sick from chewing all that gum!  that was my immature, yet extremely fun, moment of the week. 

     i saw a very strange film today.  then i watched it again.  unexpectedly, it threw me for an emotional loop...i just didn't see it coming.  i identified with this character on so many different levels that it was just creepy.  it was a tad emasculating, so it made me wanna grunt and burp and scratch myself to cover up the gasps and awws and, yes, there may have been even a tear.  the best part was that it had a happy ending, so if you don't mind reading movies (it's in french), go rent "amelie."

well, i hope you all have a good week.  i'll be back shortly, i'm sure...

     it is an absolutely beautiful day.  it's raining and the sky has turned that gray-blue color that somehow lifts your spirits even though the sun isn't shining.  i can see some white-stone buildings from my window that have sort of taken on the same color as the sky, and the gray rooftops have turned a pale green.  just thought i'd share. :)

     i worked today, but i got off early so that i could help with the work day at the house.  oddly enough, i was really looking forward to it.  i like doing things like that...working around the yard or around the house.  they had already finished, though. 

     today i realized yet again that i have an awesome job.  if i want hours, i get them.  if i don't, i can get rid of them.  the people are so intriguing.  i love working with people.  depending on where i am, i can interact face to face with up to 100 people in an hour.  it's not much, but i always hope that a smile or a question about their day could help them at least on some lower level.  of course, there are a few odd ones that come through, but they just make the day all the more interesting.  today, for example, a transvestite came through my line.  all of my coworkers were snickering and turning various shades of chartreuse.  granted, it took a great degree of strength, but i tried to be as polite as possible.  i try my hardest not to judge people.  that's not my place.  i just figure that everyone could use a friend, no matter where they are in their life.  my job helps me realize that. 

     anyway, i hope all of you are doing well.  right now i'm trying to decide what to do with my spring break.  a lack of funding prohibits going anywhere, but i don't mind that.  i don't think i'd go anywhere even if that wasn't a problem.  if i went home i would essentially sit around most of the day, but i would be able to see my friends and family, i'd have access to that bike trail that i love so much,  and i would be able to do some studio work at the church.  if i stayed in columbia there wouldn't be many people here, but i would be able to work and maybe do some writing.  it would be peace and quiet.  that sounds nice.  i can do my studio work over the summer, too, and i would have more time to prepare.  i really want this one to be good.  well i don't have to be nervous about that yet, so let's not be.   anyway, i've taken too much time in writing this...it's already dark.  sorry about the long post, and i hope you're all having a great weekend!

In Memoriam. . .

     On Friday, March 12, 2004, Mr. Brown R. Spider passed away near his home in Columbia, Missouri.  He was pronounced dead in a trap at 1:02am by his suitemates, Gregory and Christopher, who held a celebratory ceremony at the site.  Unfortunately, no other members of Mr. Spider's family were able to attend the service.  Mr. Spider will always be remembered as the one who made the bathroom smell like rotten peanut butter, freaked everyone out, and nearly drove his human friends crazy.  He accomplished much in his short life, even uniting those around him in a single cause.  Greg and Chris were not available for an interview, but they released the following comments:

"We spent days...hoping...waiting for some sort of a sign.  Any sign at all.  When his condition hadn't changed going on five days we began to worry.  We visited him every day, watched him closely, and we even sang to him in the shower.  But we ran the race.  We fought the fight.  In the end we emerged...bruised, perhaps, but not broken.  Shaken, but not stirred.  We were victorious."

that's right...ding dong the spider's dead! it's about time, too.  greg was about ready to break out the camo and face paint!!!

     hmmm...interesting day.  i woke up bright and early to go to the gym, but chad stood me up again.  *sniff*  i like to give him a hard time about it.  so i spend most of my day off driving...i went home to get some things that i had forgotten, yet again.  i always take too much stuff home then forget to bring it all back.  i really love the drive, though.  it's peaceful.  i secretly like to sing in my car, too.    i've had three years (so far) of professional vocal training and i still can't practice in front of people, and i'm sure not going to do anything in these close quarters.  there's also a big difference between an auditorium of a thousand people and a room with just a few.  the auditorium is much easier.  i miss singing.  i miss the concerts and i miss having an orchestra play to my voice.  my last concert tour was two years ago this month.  that was one of the happiest times in my life.  okay...enough remembring.  time for doing. 

chad and i are going now...finally.    talk to you all later.

     those elusive little suckers have evaded us...so far.  ever since greg's original encounter yesterday we haven't seen hide nor tail of them beady-eyed vermin.  i bet they're a-plottin' away at some grand scheme to take over our bathroom.  probably gonna happen quick, too.  smart devils.  we set up four traps for them that specifically say "for brown recluses" on the packaging and the only thing those worthless contraptions have accomplished was to make our bathroom reek.  it smells like rotten peanut butter.  i bet it's all a part of their brilliant conspiracy.  in our attempts to drive them out they will eventually drive us out because the smell from the traps is driving us up the wall, and if that doesn't drive us out they'll drive us to the hospital with their nasty little bites!  but, no...we won't give up that easily!  them there eetsy beetsy speeders are goin' down the water spout, or my name ain't christopherius! 

(there...that'll teach 'em...)

*edit:  um...my name isn't really christopherius...just thought you should know...

-the experience-

     i love marshmallow cereals.  especially when you get down to the last bowl of the box and all the marshmallows have settled to the bottom so you get a ton of 'em.  usually you have to budget those sweetened fluffs of sugar so you don't run out, but that last bowl...no way!  it's all-out marshmallowy goodness right through the last spoonful.  even throughout the entire "last bowl of the marshmallow cereal breakfast experience" your spoon is filled with marshmallows.  i mean, you probably could avoid them, but who would want to?!  alas, i am all out of my marshmallow cereal, but that means that i can now buy a new box and have another "last bowl of the marshmallow cereal breakfast experience."  ah, sweet life.

     it is now time for me to go to work.  early, early, bright and burly.  ok...it's too early to rhyme anything with "early" that makes any sense.  have a great day, my xangans, and i shall tell you about mine later.

     i hate spiders.  this morning greg found a brown recluse in the bathroom, but, before he could catch it, the thing quickly scurried under the door post. *shudder*  now my skin is crawling and i can feel hundreds of tiny legs all over me.  fun times.

three months today.  :)

i went home this last weekend.  the trip reminded me of two things: why i love going home, and why i love staying in columbia.

     i was able to see one of my best friends on friday.  i haven't seen him since last september, but we've kept in touch.  that alone made the trip worthwhile...i guess i'm one of those who doesn't really know what they have until it's gone. 

     my cat is doing wonderfully. 

     saturday i went to the auto show in kansas city with greg, tim, and a few other friends including my little brother.  it was a lot of walking around (we were there for about 4 hours), but it was well worth it.  i'm not a huge car fanatic, but i can certainly appreciate the automobile.  especially the $377,000 ones that i will never own.  the new ford gt was there.  it was all we could do to stop drooling.  very nice.  i sat in a porsche and a beemer along with a few others of choice. 

     late that night i went to that church that i've mentioned and played.  there i can really let loose.  it was exactly what i needed.  being home always tries my patience.  tensions flare between my father and me, and though it may not come to blows, or even to the surface, it's still exhausting.  i wish i could have gone out on my trail, but time did not permit.  i had a good weekend, though.

     before i left kansas city this morning i stopped by wally-world and picked up norah jones's new album (which is perfect, btw) and this mercy me album.  both are wonderful.

*edit: the tigers lost today. :(  very sad.  my id hasn't been swiping, so i couldn't even get into the last game at the hearnes center.  ah, well.  hope you're feeling better, greg!

     i'd say it's about time for an update.  it's pretty sad, though, when i can't stay away for two days!  i've been keeping busy, but then again it doesn't seem like i've done anything.  i'm enjoying my day off by cleaning...yeah.  i don't mind it, though.  it makes me feel useful.  i sound like an old house-wife.  how sad is that!? 

     hidalgo comes out tomorrow.  really wanting to see that.  until then i'll busy myself with music and writing, though i haven't been feeling it lately.  it seems i've become especially good at alienating a few friends recently, and i don't like the way it's going.  wow.  i need to do something.  chad and i are going to the gym again this afternoon.  we've been going about twice a week now, so it's not the best, but still better than nothing.  i love running on treadmills for some reason.  i know it's cheating, but you get to watch tv! 

     i hate the way i plummet right after a spiritual high.  just like the first hill of a roller coaster...it takes forever to get up, you have that thrilling moment where you're at the top and your heart jumps, then your stomach turns and you fall faster than ever.  i'm only looking forward to the bottom because that means you get to go back up.  i suppose i should be thankful because without the valleys i wouldn't know the peaks.  ah, well...i need to go, so i'll talk to all of you later! 

     p.s.  i'm really missing jyo.  xanga just isn't the same without him, though others have done fairly well with filling the void...but not entirely.  come back to us!

     so i went to work today (monday) and the first thing my boss did was hand me a trash bag, then he tells me to go out and pick up the trash blowing around in the parking lot.  i almost quit on the spot.  yeah.  so i went outside and chased some papers around in 40mph winds for a half hour.  i was so close to leaving.  so when i went back in i did nothing for an hour and a half aside from watching a movie and doing a couple one-hour photos and surfing on-line while trying to remember why i've worked there for so long.  yeah, i sure showed him...ech.  i'm really not caring.

     there is so much to do this week it's not funny.  today was not the greatest day, but strangely i'm still feeling pretty good.  so here's to tomorrow!

     hey everyone, how are things?  had a great weekend at the retreat...got to hang out with friends i haven't seen in a long time and pretty much just took it easy.  it was a little cold, but none of the guys minded.  ah, i'm just kidding.   we had some great classes and at the end even the people who didn't know each other before felt like old friends.  good times. 

   i'm gonna be busy this week, so i should catch up on my sleep before i have a chance to get behind.  later!

     please allow me a moment of insanity once again...

11!

     that's right...lord of the rings made a clean sweep of the oscars with eleven nominations and eleven wins!  *tear* 

     well, it's good to be back.  i'll tell you about my weekend after i get some sleep!!!  later.

     i don't believe in coincidence in any way, shape, or form.  neither do i really believe in destiny or any of that fortune cookie jazz.  everything happens for a very specific reason, and i am right here, right now, for a very specific purpose.  i was meant to be here.  isn't that an encouraging thought!?

     things are happening.  things i can't quite describe or relate in an understandable way.  such an odd feeling, this, that i can't contain it, neither can i set it free.  a mixture of love and hope is surging through my veins and i want to pour it out into the world.  something has been holding me back, but no longer.  its grip fails as i discover each new hour, and i find again a strength as if i'm finding it for the very first time. 

     i'll admit that this is all a bit strange.  no, i'm not on anything.   i'm in love.  a different sort of love, though.  i can't explain it.  there is so much to do and i no longer have the luxury of time to waste.  i never did, really.  all other matters pale and fade in comparison and i am left with this single yet incredibly complex light in front of me.  what will happen if i walk towards it?  ah, but the more frightening question is what would happen if i didn't?  i feel like that rabbit in alice in wonderland  "i'm late!  i'm late! i'm late for a very important date!"  or something to that effect.  this sort of love is what drives me forward through each day.  it's a passion for what i'm trying to accomplish, whatever that might be. 

     but, yes, i suppose i'm in the other sort of love.  not so strong as the first, though.  this feels more like an answer to a question i haven't even asked yet.  to steal a line from henry james, "a reminder, yet not quite a remembrance."  perhaps it's not yet time.  or maybe the time has passed, who knows?  wouldn't that be horrible if i let such an amazing opportunity slip by?  knowing me, i probably will.  i just pray that i'll see it.  i think she knows.  i'll be honest, i'm not sure who i'd be trying to fool if i thought i had a chance.  i'm sure she's after some guy more popular or better looking, but she's an intriguing soul.  or at least to me.  i really am a hopeless romantic, aren't i?  absolutely hopeless.

     this next week has an amazing amount of potential.  don't know why, so don't ask.  care to see what happens?

     well, i feel like an ass.  chad and i went to the gym on monday, but tuesday i had to work and i don't know what happened yesterday, but we didn't go.  then last night we were talking and i was all excited and saying, "so, 6:15 tomorrow morning?"  the next thing i knew, i was waking up at 9 today.  you just don't do that type of thing!  i suppose it's not that horrible, but i just feel bad about it.  anyway...

     so, if you're looking for a good story, go read tj's gayderek chronicles.  she is an excellent writer and quite funny.  she just posted the latest chapter and there's a twist that will...er...knock your socks off!

     i don't really have much to say today...i've got a busy day ahead of me, but i'm going to try enjoying my day off.  i'm going to get my hair cut because i'm a college student and i have a mop on top of my head.  then i'm coming back to the house to make snacks for tonight.  i think i've decided on red velvet cakes, chocolate covered strawberries...and something else that i'm not sure of yet.  we'll see what happens.  not too exciting.

     i can't decide if i want to go to warrensburg with our youth group this weekend.  i'm short on $$ (nothing new) and i don't really know too many people there.  actually, i went to the same school as half of them, but it's also been 3 or 4 years since i've even talked to them.  i don't suppose that i spoke with them much even before that.  staying home and relaxing just sounds so much better, but i may also miss out on something good.  make up my mind for me, please!

     anyway, i'm loving this weather.  we're supposed to hit 60 today and i'm so giddy.  i need to get out and do something.  hopefully i'll have some time left!  well, i'll talk to you later.  have a great day!

randomness...

     two months!  time really flies, ya know?  it feels like just yesterday when... *sniff.  so how is everyone?  doing alright?  i'm well.  going to take it easy today.  it's snowing right now, and as much as i do love winter i'm really getting ready for spring.  speaking of winter...remember my mental note not to ride with idiots?  yeah.  already didn't happen.  this guy wasn't an idiot...at least he was doing his stuff in an empty parking lot.  we were getting kinda close to trees, though.  i guess i'm just boring...that flipping, turning, spinning, puking pleasure really doesn't appeal to me so much.  okay...i had a little fun.  at least i wasn't in as much danger as our little experience thursday night.  i think i am beginning to miss my friends from home.  it's still a little early for going back, though.  it's only been a few weeks.  but one of my best friends i haven't seen since september!  that won't do.  someone in the house is trying to sing like pavarotti...trying, but not succeeding.  very interesting.  i think i may join him!  talk to you later!

     oh, man...i had the best night.  it all started when i got off work.  i was dead tired.  they had asked me to stay an extra hour and a half after an already long day full of those creepy customers that i have previously mentioned, but i said "what the heck...i need the hours."  so when i finally dragged myself home my buddy tim asked me if i wanted to play soccer...just an easy going game with a few other guys from the house.  now i played soccer for about nine years, but it has also been nearly that long since.  but what the heck...i could always use the exercise and i could at least pretend to be all good and manly.

     when we arrived at the field (it is a huge outdoor field covered in some weird springy rubber stuff) there was already a group of guys playing soccer on one end and wow...they were very good.  so we went down to the far side (half of the reason being to avoid bothering them, the other half to avoid them altogether) and while we were "warming up" of course they came over and asked if we wanted to play.  yeah...we suck.  but we did it anyway...we could at least pretend to be all good and manly.

     i'll spare you the details of the game, but it was an incredible experience.  we divided our own groups to form the two teams a little more evenly and we just played to our hearts' content.  we didn't really keep score and everyone was laughing and having a great time, but, wow, it was a hard game.  we didn't even speak the same language as the other guys, but you don't really need to know the language to understand a people (what english they spoke was very good, but they didn't do that often).  our team was slaughtered, but it was the most fun i've ever had losing a game.  i remember one of the other players telling me "if the other guy is better than you, always keep him in front of you.  never look away from the goal."  for some reason that really struck a chord with me.  i find that to be incredible advice, well known, but too often forgotten.  always keep your eyes on what you are facing now, but never lose sight of what's beyond.  

     in the end i turned my ankle while diving for the ball (or rather losing my balance and plopping down in front of it) and it is now aching and very swollen, but i wouldn't have traded it.  now we are about to start a movie, but i'll be back.  i promised that i would catch up with all of you and i will hold to that.  have a great weekend!

     ok...so i'm still bored.  i don't have photoshop so i can't participate in jyoseph's awesome contest, but i have seen a few of these quizillas around so i thought i would check it out.  you all know how i am about lord of the rings, so i see this quiz about what character i would be in said tales (and a resulting personality problem) and am happy to report that the results were pretty good, though a little scary.  well, at least it didn't tell me that i should be a troll. . .

Congratulations! You're Legolas!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

    
     and, yes, just so you know...dirt will kill you!!!