i don't believe in coincidence in any way, shape, or form.  neither do i really believe in destiny or any of that fortune cookie jazz.  everything happens for a very specific reason, and i am right here, right now, for a very specific purpose.  i was meant to be here.  isn't that an encouraging thought!?

     things are happening.  things i can't quite describe or relate in an understandable way.  such an odd feeling, this, that i can't contain it, neither can i set it free.  a mixture of love and hope is surging through my veins and i want to pour it out into the world.  something has been holding me back, but no longer.  its grip fails as i discover each new hour, and i find again a strength as if i'm finding it for the very first time. 

     i'll admit that this is all a bit strange.  no, i'm not on anything.   i'm in love.  a different sort of love, though.  i can't explain it.  there is so much to do and i no longer have the luxury of time to waste.  i never did, really.  all other matters pale and fade in comparison and i am left with this single yet incredibly complex light in front of me.  what will happen if i walk towards it?  ah, but the more frightening question is what would happen if i didn't?  i feel like that rabbit in alice in wonderland  "i'm late!  i'm late! i'm late for a very important date!"  or something to that effect.  this sort of love is what drives me forward through each day.  it's a passion for what i'm trying to accomplish, whatever that might be. 

     but, yes, i suppose i'm in the other sort of love.  not so strong as the first, though.  this feels more like an answer to a question i haven't even asked yet.  to steal a line from henry james, "a reminder, yet not quite a remembrance."  perhaps it's not yet time.  or maybe the time has passed, who knows?  wouldn't that be horrible if i let such an amazing opportunity slip by?  knowing me, i probably will.  i just pray that i'll see it.  i think she knows.  i'll be honest, i'm not sure who i'd be trying to fool if i thought i had a chance.  i'm sure she's after some guy more popular or better looking, but she's an intriguing soul.  or at least to me.  i really am a hopeless romantic, aren't i?  absolutely hopeless.

     this next week has an amazing amount of potential.  don't know why, so don't ask.  care to see what happens?