what's past is prologue...

       so this could easily be my last post here. it's a weird feeling -- with nearly a decade spent in xangaland, this little blog covers a full third of my life. i went back somewhat arbitrarily and read a few of my older posts -- it kinda floored me how much i've changed over the last ten years. god, i was such a naive little dork. haha. it kinda makes me wonder what i'll say when i look back after another ten years, then i realize that that thought has always been a source of hope for me. i could never have predicted back on 12/07/2003 the paths the next decade would take me, but i like the fact that my sense of adventure has remained constant. my beliefs have shaken and shifted tremendously, but i've always found some small measure of hope in the unknown. mingled with fear, sure, but where's the fun if it's not a little scary?

       so what's left here, what will likely be shut down in another month, is a rather emotional account of my twenties. emotional, of course, because writing and music have always been my greatest releases, so you've always had to bear the brunt of it. my twenties weren't quite roaring, but i don't think anyone would argue if i called them tempestuous. and i think i'm finally starting to grow up a little. i'm not nearly the whiny bitch that i used to be. or at least not as much the whiny part.

       it feels very much like moving out of an old house that you've poured so many memories into. i have had the odd pleasure of creating a digital home here, complete with a very real family, and i can still feel the spaces where i felt like this was the only place that i did belong. like walking into a black room and being at peace with the darkness because you knew the space so well you didn't need a light. i don't think i ever took the time before now to reflect on how profoundly many of you have changed my life.

       i'm happy that i'm already connected with several of you on facebook, but if we aren't yet, please feel free.

       and i'll definitely miss being kween. no, i've hardly done a thing with it for ages, but it was so much fun writing those little challenges and reading everyone's responses. i was only there for about 3.5 years, and i am so glad that garett asked me to do it. god, i miss him. and i'm starting to feel way too sentimental with this. i'll not even mention the, what, five other semi-secret xanga sites i've had over the years. one with terrible stories. one with a workout journal. haha. one with sermons that i preached back when i did that sort of thing. and there were others, but i can't even remember them off the top of my head.

       getting ready now at work for the end of one school year and the beginning of another. it's crazy time since we have zero break between the two. scheduling med students and getting grant requests ready and worrying about orientation for the new residents and making sure everything's in place for the senior residents' graduation. their final evaluations are on wednesday, meaning tomorrow is going to be slammed and i should get to bed or i'll be dragging all day, but i don't really want to stop typing because then that will be it and xanga will be no more. and even if they do save it i think this is probably the right time for me to bow out anyway. it's time to move on.

       i love you all; you've been amazing. but i'm not breaking my staff or drowning my books just yet. i've decided to set up a proper website, complete with my own domain name. i'm still entertaining ideas on the latter. and yes, this means i'll have to write.

       laters.