because i promised. and because i should...

       so i've just finished up this essay rounding out the romantic period of english literature with shelley and keats and ...my brain hurts. quite appropriately i've turned to xanga and netflix to lull me to sleep. it's been too long since this impotent noodle has seen this kind of action. ha. it's exhausting, but it reminds me of something i haven't seen in a while that kinda gets me excited ...perhaps prematurely. thinking about grad school. i know, right? i am truly the professional student. but i kinda want to see where it could go. it's not often that i have real potential energy buzzing inside me. usually it's just a flicker of heat that curls up from the cracked earth--a mirage that might keep me going for a bit but withers as i get close. we'll see how long this one lasts. i'm supposed to have this class finished by the end of the month, though. i've had exactly one year to complete it, the last of my requirements for graduation, and i wait until the last month. what does that tell you, hm? well, if you thought i was bad about replying before, you were right. i'm only going to get worse now. i think i owe about a half dozen people some fairly involved emails, so i'll ask you to bear with me a little longer.

       anyway, i've promised this guy that i'd start doing these with him. i'm supposed to do it every day, but i have a feeling i'll be missing some. just a slight inkling given my consistent posting record and such. it's supposed to help me think more positively? something like that. seems to be working for him. he has a boyfriend, though. i have netflix. and my mirages. so... three things i'm thankful for, day one:

1. new ideas for old stories. sweeping out a few of the cobwebs from the cranium has had some interesting side effects. studying romanticism (again) has had some, too. i'm an instinctual postmodernist, i've been told. kinda interesting, but these postmodernist types sometimes like to take bits and pieces from other periods and stitch them together, a favorite being the romantic period, and william blake and john keats have provided some crazy-effective fertilizer. it's been awesome.
   
   
2. not being sued. yet. long story. remind me to post about it sometime. there were four, now there's just one. hopefully that will be going away soon, too.
   
   
3. new friends. even if they are just online.

hasta luego, mis amigos.

at wit's end...

       haha. not a very witty pun, since i'll probably be the only one to get it, but it made me laugh and that's all that matters. anyway, i'm mostly entirely moved in. still a few straggling items left in the old apartment, but the new one is shaping up nicely. well, it sort of shaped up for a little while then growth suddenly leveled off as i've been tackling this online class, which i need to have finished, including taking the final, by 2pm tomorrow. i took the mid-term today. that took two hours and six pages of hand-cramping essay writing, after which i came home and plopped down on my futon and read for eight hours straight. i'm currently working on the written portions, of which i have about nine pages left to complete before studying for my final and taking it tomorrow at noon. heh. i am chris, king of procrastination.

       and king of messes. i've had a mess in my apartment, which i really like, by the way (the apartment, not the mess), for so long, it seems, that i'm actually starting to become comfortable with it, but at the same time i'm kinda wondering, in a fearful sort of way, whether the mess of boxes (mostly books) and suitcases and various items strewn about the rooms will ever go away. and if i'll ever get back to my former apartment to claim the mess of clothes and junk still there. 2pm tomorrow seems like a very long time from now. i'm currently drinking lots of cold tea to prevent it from coming sooner than i want it to. but i want it to be over. because then i'll be done and i can officially graduate. yay! ok, need to get back to work. later!

wikicrastination...

     i was rather amused when i checked my mail a few minutes ago and found this among my new messages:

Dear Christopher,

Thank you for requesting the Victoria's Secret Catalogue. 

You should receive your first issue within approximately
3- 4 weeks (U.S.) or 4- 6 weeks (outside the U.S.).

We look forward to bringing you a world of luxurious shopping wherever and
whenever it's convenient for you.

     no, i didn't request it. but i'd like to thank the person who did.  made me laugh.

     i love wikipedia. a little too much, i think. yes, i'm a registered user and editor. who isn't? i was doing some research this morning on virginia woolf for a paper that i'm writing about her, due today (right now, actually. i'm skipping the class it is due in to write it...yes, the last class of the semester), and from there found myself clicking links to about twenty different articles, soaking up the information. one of the ones i clicked was one of my favorite writers, author of the beast in the jungle, henry james. like him, i think, i'm a british wannabe. i found myself wanting to be a member of the obe (order of the british empire), or, like him, the om (order of merit). funny, i didn't see the order of the phoenix anywhere in their listings of the british honor systems. the grass is always greener, though, you know? i know what i see are the idealized versions. but one can dream of a simpler life, a life where i can settle down in a nice, comfortable hole with a round door along with my wife and a few children, where we can have parties under a big oak tree on warm summer nights with friends, and where i can write, inspired by the peace and nature and love.

     but then the dream melts back into a wintry, blustery day where i sit at a computer and procrastinate because i don't know why. it's hard to work when so much is on your mind. it's hard to work when you're afraid of, but almost entirely assured of failure. it's hard to work when you don't care at all about the work you're doing.

     back to it. if i don't get anything done now, then there's no chance of sleep (or a passing grade). later.