i need to go back to bed...

       i am increasingly convinced that i will die alone. i've just spent the not-quite-awake-yet parts of my morning looking through some random profiles on random sites for no clear reason and came away largely depressed at the lack of possibilities. most of them can't spell or are immature or are just... no. i've only fallen for a small handful of guys in my life and probably only two of those were painful enough to matter. unfortunately one was straight and the other flew straight away. it's just the morning i'm having.

       about to leave, in an hour or so, for good ol' branson, mo. it's like nashville's little hillbilly cousin. not looking forward to it. but my mom wanted to have some family time, meaning cramming five of us into a car that can only comfortably seat four and driving six hours to some country-loving christian's idea of vegas. i'm tired and have had a shitty week, and i've spent the last three days trying not to be a bitch at work, so i have a feeling something's going to 'splode.

       still haven't heard yet. i've been really bipolar about it, though. i always hate the waiting on the edge of something. to be honest, i kinda don't want to go anymore. it's been downgraded slightly from "a place to go" to "a place i could go if i have no other alternative." so right now i don't think i'd be that disappointed in a "no." i just want to know what's going on. really, really frustrating.

       i need a shower. still have to pack, too. my nerves feel frayed. and i could really use a cuddle.