volatile...

       haven't been in a writing mindset lately. too busy freaking out and being nervous and wondering what the hell i'm doing. two weeks ago i officially applied for a job in north carolina, a full-time clerical/office position in an ophthalmology clinic that's a part of the university of north carolina in chapel hill, about 20 minutes from raleigh. it's a different branch of the same office that my future roommate works for, so he put in a good word. it'd be about twice my current wages. this last thursday i had a phone interview (a first for me), which seemed to go really well, or at least i was invited to fly out next weekend for an interview in person. trevor says she wouldn't have done that if she wasn't serious about it. i hope he's right because i'm paying for it. but i fly out sunday and return tuesday, sort of a whirlwind trip, which will also be my first to the area. also my first plane ride since january 2001, and definitely my first alone. i have an hour and a half layover in chicago (previously reported incorrectly to some as an hour), which i was nervous about when i thought it was less time, but suddenly i'm excited about those extra 30 minutes. i was rather inspired on my last layover, ten years ago. that one was a bit longer, though. maybe something will come out of this one. who knows? but the position, should it be offered to me, starts a month earlier than originally anticipated. i'd be moving out there at the end of april instead of the end of may. suddenly i feel a little more crunched for time. maybe that's part of what has been making me nervous, feeling like i'm being torn away before i'm ready. it's all been happening so quickly. even though i've been wanting to get out of here for forever. i know it doesn't make sense. but i just have this pervasive feeling that i have no idea what i'm doing. and it's kinda true.

       i really hope it works.

       i love words with multiple meanings. they're so extremely interesting.

       would it be bad to get into a relationship just for the sake of having one? oh, it's way too soon to talk about such things. but i'm still curious.

       really weird mood today. no sleep last night might have something to do with it. i should get some now.