binge and purge...

       i swam tonight. now i'm polishing off the last piece of the coldstone peanut butter and chocolate ice cream cake left from my birthday. and i just saw this recipe for guinness chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting and i think that sounds amazing too (i'm all for crunchy p.b., but i'd definitely use creamy in this recipe). yeah, that's how i roll. hopefully not literally. i blame bad genes a lot, and sure, they're probably a factor. i'm the skinniest person in my family, after all, and no one has used that particular word to describe me since the ninth grade. but i hate myself a little more with every scrumptious bite.

       i'm starting to worry about my increasing tendency to fantasize. i'll often start with good intentions, thinking about how i want a particular scene to feel (i've been writing more), but then my mind will wander and i'll end up getting very little done. i seem to have the most success when i get out of the house and find a nice air-conditioned spot in town to sit and sip and saturate myself in these little worlds i'm trying to create, but doing that becomes a chore since the closest decent place i could go is a twenty minute drive one way so i usually try to make an afternoon of it and there's rarely time for that and while i'm there i have to write it all by hand anyway, which is slow going.... so most of the stuff i do is right here at home, later in the evening after my parents are asleep. and even still i can't focus. instead of creating these lives on paper i end up making up my own entirely fictitious life in my head. today, for example, 'he' came home from a long day at work and we just cuddled on the sofa and talked before deciding to order some chinese. i also had an interview with anderson cooper and a meeting with my editor who really liked the last chapter i submitted but thinks its starting to get a little too predictable.

       yeah, i'm one of those crazy writers. except i can't really be called a writer since i don't write, so i guess that just leaves the crazy part. once again, excellent boyfriend material.

       worked on the deck a little today. i don't remember if i've mentioned that before? we're building a pool deck. well, mostly it's my dad building the pool deck and i help out on occasion. mostly i've just been doing dirt work and measuring angles and cutting wood, but today i also did a little work on the short stone retaining wall going against the dirt that was dug out to level the area for the pool. yeah, it's not a cool in-ground one. just a big above-ground. i figured the wall would go up pretty quickly, but it ended up taking me a very frustrating hour to set four of the base stones, and it turned out i did them wrong anyway. i was under the impression that i was to level each stone with the stone preceding it, when actually i was supposed to level the stones with the deck piers that the wall runs around and between. which doesn't make a lot of sense to me. but whatevs.

       i know, completely pointless post. but when have i ever actually said something with my writing? sometimes it's just good to ramble on, though -- to get it out. yeah, don't worry, i'll never use this blog as part of a portfolio, no matter how desperate.